another beer disappeared from the fridge again, i think there's someone sneaking around the house i bet that they're drunk i bet they're fucked up so while i stumble my way to a bathroom stall, i feel my legs give in and i eat shit again so would you reconsider holding onto the letter i put on your shelf when you hear this song, will you show your friends, or will you keep it to yourself and would you cradle me against your chest and assure me that there is no hell after the world ends... after the sun explodes... and time runs out?

you were a rainy day at your cousins house stuck finding solace in the heat inside your mouth you tried to formulate a way to save the day when the knives inside your mattress came out to cut your face i'm still sorry about that i keep the door to the outside unlocked on the off chance that you'll sneak into my room at night you keep a gun on your nightstand and your hand is trained to shoot a motherfucker dead between the eyes i'd sell my soul for you to know why your mom can't take a fucking joke and where your dad sneaks out to go when he get so fucked up that it shows because now you're never safe at home and if you ever lose control you'll stuff the barrel down your throat inside the minivan you stole before revealing this was all some joke it's far from what i thought you'd be when you grew up what the hell did i do wrong? i should've known it all along when will my third degree burns look as bad as your's? when will i realize i'm going to look a lot like you someday soon?

i can't remember if i slept last night because my delusions always blur the line so when i'm drifting out of consciousness i feel my blood, as thick mud, begin to clog my vacant veins and then it all makes sense and i start to convinced myself you moved away just so you could get away from me i know it's probably all hysterics but i can't help it i keeps me up... but when i'm walking by your house at night, i still make sure not to close my eyes in case you somehow reappear, shitfaced, sitting on your front porch and i try hard to get myself up out of bed, but it's gotten so much harder without your arms to pull me upright in the morning but when i see you in my dreams, you bite you tear out the pipebomb trapped inside of my chest, then you put it back this time tethered to the right side i'm doing my best to let you do everything that you claim that you need to but i just keep breaking, and my face is turning blue i have this fear of dying premature i'm scared i'll meet my casket far too long before i should that's why i'm petrified in public i know that anyone could pull out a gun and shoot me point blank through my face i know these nightmares don't make sense but i have to confess that though i've learned to think i still can't shake the surreality, and yes i know you probably won't hear me out i don't expect you to if it puts you down it's when i'm walking by your house at night, i still make sure not to close my eyes in case you somehow reappear, shitfaced, sitting on your front porch and i try hard to get myself up out of bed, but it's gotten so much harder without your arms to pull me upright in the morning but when i see you in my dreams, you bite you tear out the pipebomb trapped inside of my chest, then you put it back this time tethered to the right side i'm doing my best to let you do everything that you claim that you need to but i just keep breaking, and my face is turning blue you could catch me on the back deck, blowing my life away as we watch the smoke ascend along with all of our responsibilities...

waiting for you to come back even though i knew you never would all my friends are trying to make me smile so i tried to hide it as best i could that was a stupid choice that was a stupid choice that was a stupid choice now i'm waiting on a cloudy day to ascend and make friends with all the angels up in heaven you made me eat my words again it's still pretty hard to swallow them while i'm choking on my pride and the knife that you used to cut me out of your life is the same one that you used to plunge into my spine that was a stupid choice that was a stupid choice that was a stupid choice but if you try to force yourself to change, you may break at the seems and lose your heart aboard the subway.. that was a stupid choice that was a stupid choice that was a stupid choice now i'm floating into outer space, out of place but it's okay because i know we'll end up shitfaced at your house in your basement with your dogs while you chase shots with swigs of rum pound a 40, then throw up try not to pass out on your rug but if you do, i'll let you sleep we'll forget how much we drank until we wake up on the street convinced it all was just a dream on and on and on and on and on and on and on and on............

i can't wait to tell you just how cynical i've gotten ever since i chose to be the only one that stayed home i thought the silence would be soothing when i woke up in the morning, but it seems you robbed my bed of all its comfort and the rain that used to keep me in is now my only friend, it sings me lullabies whenever i close my eyes and though i'm short of breath and scared to death of depth, i understand that i've hit rock bottom, but i swear to god i'm trying how do i sleep at night with your body pressed into my side? how will i float back to the surface when you're the only thing that could save me from the riptide? i lost my shit when i walked out on my front porch, because the temperature keeps changing, is it the summer or is it fall? the leaves are falling while it's snowing, and yet i still wear sun tan lotion, i'm worn right through from this consistent cycle of inconsistency sometimes i press my ear against my wall, and i swear i hear you laugh, i don't know how that ever came to be but if you're trying to communicate, i promise i'm doing great, so please don't worry about all the nightmares i've been having there's no chance i'll sleep tonight without your warmth pressed into my sheets and how will i live without your passion keeping me balanced in my head and on my feet? and why do i sleep at night and wake up wondering why i can still see the speckles in your eyes? i lay in my bed, perpetually surrendering to the overbearing sense of having no fucking life...